To: Mayor Cory Booker, Mayor, Newark, New Jersey.
Cory, I frankly don’t know what to say to you now. I saw you on “Meet the Press” and read your Sunday article criticizing MY recent War On Drugs initiative. Before I go on any further, please don’t refer to me as “Home,” as you don’t know me that well. Since you said that the Federal Government is ineffective and “represents big overgrown government at its worst,” even though I have reduced the size of government. I have decided to further reduce the size of the Federal Government by one more position – The one you were looking forward to receiving. By the way, I am sending a messenger to you office to retrieve your copy of the Democratic Talking Points, as I don’t think you will needing them any more. It may be “nauseating” for you to attend the Presidential Ball, and I certainly don’t want to offend you, so don’t expect tickets in the mail. In conclusion, future comments from you will not be appreciated. Just forward them to the White House gate security, Attention: Paul Manford (I think that is his name).
P.S. Don’t call me; I will call you if necessary.